My own 365

A friend is doing her second 365 blog, where she writes every day about something related to music. I think I'm going to start doing that, or try to. I don't know if I have the discipline to sit down in front of the computer every day. But I'll see how it goes.

So, my first official entry in my 365 blog will describe the topic: Food. Well, food/eating. Maybe I should create a separate blog entirely? I think for now, I'll just start off by developing some kind of a mission statement for the blog, as it were.

First, let me say that I overeat, or at least have in the past, in the same way that a drug addict uses drugs, or an alcoholic uses alcohol, to numb my feelings. Or do something with my feelings - tampen them down, minimize them, whatever. Perhaps not to the same extent as an addict, but still - I often find myself eating for emotional reasons, wholly unrelated to my body's nutritional needs.

Now, overeating has obvious consequences (weight gain) and then a bunch of secondary health consequences. On the other hand, heroin, crack, alcoholism, all have a perniciousness that food simply does not have. Additionally, one must eat, so it's not like one can say, "oh, I'll never have another drink again." Instead, one must develop a healthy relationship with the substance.

Eating is a complex issue - our earliest memories involve eating, by whatever method our mothers/caregivers chose. Food is associated with positive events - birthday and wedding cakes, a nice dinner out with your significant other, and so forth.

I took a habit change class at the local community college a few months ago, and for the first time ever felt there might be hope - maybe I could learn how to eat, how to process my feelings. I know how to do that (journal, take a walk, call a friend, meditate, etc., etc., etc.), but still, something was glitching. The piece of the puzzle that fell into place thanks to that class was the realization that a lot of my habits were negative. For example, always eating as soon as I got home, hungry or not. Simple Pavlovian association, but there nonetheless. Lately, I'll come up to check email or read something or watch TV, and then eat later when -- shock! my body signals hunger, and not before! It's a novel idea, I know. Even passive activities are better than taking in more calories than I need.

In these blog entries, I will try to explore my overeating issues. The issue is like a big onion for me, with lots of layers. I guess I'll just have to see what I uncover.