Yellow Brick Road
So I've been working out regularly, unusual of unusuals. I've enlisted the help of a couple of specific friends to help me do so, they're close friends, and it's working. Plus, I'm taking a gym "class" at the local community college. Combined with the habit change class I also took this semester, I feel like I'm making true progress.
Could it be, could it be, that I might actually find my way to the Land of Oz? What will I discover about myself on this journey? Will I like whatever I discover? Will I learn to accept whatever I discover? Will I try to change what I don't appreciate or think is healthy?
Speaking of discovery, I heard something today, that significant others are supposed to be people that nourish and support you (friends, too, but particularly S.O.s). What do I do to nourish and support Brian? I hope I do - the statistics of divorce are horrifying, but even before you get to that - I want him to be happy. I want both of us to be happy; although cognizant of the fact that every person is responsible for their own feelings, certainly I can also take responsibility for my own actions that may be helpful vs. those that may be hurtful to the one that I love.
Where is the line beteween self-sacrifice and loss of one's own identity? Is there such a thing as one's own identity within the context of an intimate relationship? Ooo, even posing the question gives me the willies, and there's a part of me shouting "Boundaries! Boundaries! Need to keep healthy boundaries!" right now. OK, granted, loss of all boundaries is probably not healthy. But is the concept of maintaining individuation after creating a sole legal unit, and a sole moral unit as far as some people are concerned, is it possible? Does that truly exist, or is it much like the western construction of adolescence? Meaning, in many countries, teenagers don't exist, because by 20 - or earlier - you have your own family; plus, there's the whole-greater-respect-for-elders thing in many other cultures that doesn't allow for the same kind of back-talk that is commonly accepted here. Lastly, there's the whole individual vs. collective mentality that combined with the above leads to what feels like an artificial construct of adolescence sometimes. So maybe the idea of retaining your own individuality within the context of a marriage is like that.
Nah, that doesn't sound right either. There's got to be a happy medium - I'm not going to cease to be myself, although my Self may evolve through my life with and experiences of Brian. There will also be a great degree of joint functionality. I imagine we will inform each other's development, hopefully in positive ways. I imagine that, over the years, with the exchange of ideas, thoughts, feelings, even concessions that take one down a different path than that which one would have chosen if acting alone, we will develop into people that neither one of us would have been without the other. Maybe that's what we're shooting for when we say fifty years, a life together - maybe we're shooting for the people that we will become in each other's company. Hmmm...
Heady thoughts at 1 a.m. Why can't I sleep? I got up at 6 a.m. yesterday, over 19 hrs ago. I moved through the day at a relatively quick pace... I'm gonna try to catch some zzzzzzz's again.
Could it be, could it be, that I might actually find my way to the Land of Oz? What will I discover about myself on this journey? Will I like whatever I discover? Will I learn to accept whatever I discover? Will I try to change what I don't appreciate or think is healthy?
Speaking of discovery, I heard something today, that significant others are supposed to be people that nourish and support you (friends, too, but particularly S.O.s). What do I do to nourish and support Brian? I hope I do - the statistics of divorce are horrifying, but even before you get to that - I want him to be happy. I want both of us to be happy; although cognizant of the fact that every person is responsible for their own feelings, certainly I can also take responsibility for my own actions that may be helpful vs. those that may be hurtful to the one that I love.
Where is the line beteween self-sacrifice and loss of one's own identity? Is there such a thing as one's own identity within the context of an intimate relationship? Ooo, even posing the question gives me the willies, and there's a part of me shouting "Boundaries! Boundaries! Need to keep healthy boundaries!" right now. OK, granted, loss of all boundaries is probably not healthy. But is the concept of maintaining individuation after creating a sole legal unit, and a sole moral unit as far as some people are concerned, is it possible? Does that truly exist, or is it much like the western construction of adolescence? Meaning, in many countries, teenagers don't exist, because by 20 - or earlier - you have your own family; plus, there's the whole-greater-respect-for-elders thing in many other cultures that doesn't allow for the same kind of back-talk that is commonly accepted here. Lastly, there's the whole individual vs. collective mentality that combined with the above leads to what feels like an artificial construct of adolescence sometimes. So maybe the idea of retaining your own individuality within the context of a marriage is like that.
Nah, that doesn't sound right either. There's got to be a happy medium - I'm not going to cease to be myself, although my Self may evolve through my life with and experiences of Brian. There will also be a great degree of joint functionality. I imagine we will inform each other's development, hopefully in positive ways. I imagine that, over the years, with the exchange of ideas, thoughts, feelings, even concessions that take one down a different path than that which one would have chosen if acting alone, we will develop into people that neither one of us would have been without the other. Maybe that's what we're shooting for when we say fifty years, a life together - maybe we're shooting for the people that we will become in each other's company. Hmmm...
Heady thoughts at 1 a.m. Why can't I sleep? I got up at 6 a.m. yesterday, over 19 hrs ago. I moved through the day at a relatively quick pace... I'm gonna try to catch some zzzzzzz's again.
posted by Alex | 4/25/2007 10:50:00 p.m.
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